Mount MacCulloch: Retired from Basketball but Dork Career Surging

Former University of Washington star and retired NBA big man, Todd MacCulloch is ranked 145th in the world in pinball. The 76ers famously relied upon the tandem of a geriatric Dikembe Mutombo and MacCulloch to slow down a still in his prime Shaquille O'Neal in the NBA finals. Upon learning of MacCulloch's newfound career, Shaq noted that he has never been bested in basketball by a pinball aficionado from the Pacific Northwest (See 2001 NBA Finals & "Shaq vs." Season 1 episode 9). Roundball Portfolio would like to hand out a big congrats to MacCulloch for using his NBA riches to try to live out Tom Hanks' fake adult life in "Big." Watch out Elizabeth Perking, T-Mac may have romance on his mind this Valentine's weekend.

In other news, not enough can possibly be made of Norris Cole's amazing game for Cleveland State yesterday. He played all forty minutes, scored forty-one points, grabbed twenty rebounds, and handed out nine assists. We all would have loved for him to get the triple-double, but let's think about how hard it was to get nine assists when all of your teammates play for Cleveland State. Those were probably some nifty passes.

Bo Ryan led the Sconnies to an upset over the Ohio State Jared Sullingers. We normally only get good vibrations from Madison, but after the game, Sully tweeted that a Wisconsin fan spat in his face. I like Sullinger, but this was probably a lie. I spent a weekend in Madison, and those people were adorable. It was much more likely that one of the fans was trying to feed Sullinger some delicious ice cream and Spotted Cow beer. The only way I would believe this story was if Sullinger was wearing a Brett Favre jersey.

Speaking of Wisconsin, I have to acknowledge the ballsiest bar proclamation I ever witnessed, which happened when a friend of mine demonstratively declared before two dozen people in a Madison, Wisconsin bar that Brett Favre (who was still playing for the Packers) was the most overrated quarterback of all time. He could have collectively called all of their mothers whores, and received less vitriol. Onions, my friend.